DON’T Follow Your Passion!

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I always thought you were supposed to follow your passion…follow your bliss. But what if that’s wrong?

I was reading an article the other day that says that people who follow their passion are too passive. The article cites a study done by Stanford University and a collaboration between Yale and the University of Singapore. The study looks at whether your interests – in other words, your passions – are inside of you, just waiting for you to follow them, or whether you need to really work and develop those passions. Turns out, they say, that the people who are waiting for their passion to magically unveil itself… aren’t working hard enough to develop those passions, and they are less curious and motivated overall. And, I’ve done enough reading to know that people who lose their curiosity and motivation are pretty flat and, a lot of times, pretty depressed.

One of the things the scientists did was they asked college kids whether they identified as science/tech types or more artistic. About a month later, they showed them articles related to the stuff from the type they were not. The ones who had more of a growth perspective were more likely to find the articles interesting. In other words, the ones who thought they were what they were and that was that? Eh, why bother to look at an article about something they were not.

As a lifelong learner, I can tell you that it’s when I’m reading the articles about stuff that has zero relevance to what I do, that I get that little shiver of ah-ha…you know, that zing of finding a connection between things that you never knew was there?

The psychologists behind the study say you should look at your interests like seeds that take a bit of cultivation. Sure, you can just wait and hope for them to bloom, but maybe adding some water or fertilizer or something and you’ll certainly be more invested when something pops out of the ground. Maybe an even better metaphor is that you should water the ground all around your seed too because then something really cool could grow that you never even knew was lying dormant underground!

The flip side of that is that if you think your passion is just lying inside of you, waiting to be discovered, then you think that what you were born with is what you’ve got. Good and bad. So why try?

The psychologists said their study can even apply to love.

People who believe that there is one true love out there and that they just have to find it? They’re wrong.

Finding your person, like finding your passion, is something that takes work. And keeping that love alive takes work, too. Try and learn and make mistakes and maybe then you’ll have true love.

 

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FOGS

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Confession time. I am reading six books at the same time.

Last time, I talked about how I have FOMO – or the fear of missing out. So, you might think that I’m greedily reading all of these books because I’m afraid of missing out on something.

But, the truth is, the books are all for different reasons.

There’s the book that I’m reading for sheer pleasure; for a book club (the book When that I mentioned is for the book club) ; the autobiography that takes forever to finish; the one that’s going to be a movie soon; the book about the craft of writing; the one that’s teaching me about Ayurvedic health; and sometimes, there’s even a seventh book if a podcast guest is also an author, so I can bone up before I interview them.

And, that doesn’t even count the two daily newspapers, and the countless magazines that I’ve learned to get digital subscriptions for so I don’t kill more trees.

So why do I read so much stuff?

First of all, I love to read. I’ve always loved to read. I don’t read because of FOMO – the fear of missing out. It’s more like FOGS – the Fear of Getting Stupid.

The older I get, the more I worry that my knowledge will decrease. Or get out of date.

I can handle if my body changes with age. Well, I’m not thrilled about it, but I can handle it. But the thing that scares me the most is losing mental agility.

So I try to keep learning things. And I read. A lot.

What is it you do to keep your mind sharp? I can’t be the only one. Anyone else out there facing FOGS – the fear of getting stupid?

dunce_hat_diy_custom_party_hats-rc433b54dacfd4e1f964ca6e27f002be3_6w0a4_630Check out the companion podcast!

Keeping It Juicy

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I’ve always wanted to start a salon. Not the place you get your hair cut, but the old-fashioned salon in which rich women (because it was usually women, and they were usually rich enough to have leisure) invited the cultural luminaries of the day to eat, drink and discuss.

When I was in college, I read the biography of Misia Sert, who had such a salon in Paris. She hosted Renoir, Monet, Debussy, and Toulouse-Lautrec. She became the muse for artists Vuillard and Bonnard.

I wanted to grow up to be Misia Sert. But my husband’s anti-social tendencies and my own hosting anxieties meant smaller and more infrequent gatherings than Misia Sert practiced.

Still, I wanted to be able to talk to smart, funny people even beyond my own smart, funny social circle.

And, so I’ve started a podcast.

I call it Keep It Juicy! because my ideal is to take great, ripping bites out of life and let the juices run down my arms like a ripe peach. I decided to target it at over-50s because, not only am I there myself, but it seems a bit too easy to keep it juicy when you are young and ripe yourself. And I started cold-calling people I’d only read about.

And they’ve said yes.

These are people who stare down fear or grief or anxiety, and step right through. They don’t back down or, if they do, they get right back up and take a different path. I call them “Juicys.”

And, somehow, in interviewing them and in stumbling through sound editing and recording and audio publishing, I’ve found my own “juicy” in life. And I’m going to keep on taking big bites.

Check out the podcast over on my Keep It Juicy! website.

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Catching Creativity

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(Editor’s Note: This appeared initially as a blog for SKIRT Magazine)

I was never much good at catching fireflies.

In my youth, fireflies would twinkle in the soft light, creating magic on the back lawn.

My cousins would burst out into the twilight, armed with glass baby food jars, their legs streaked with the blood of the last swatted mosquito like some kind of warpaint. The evening would be filled with the fwop-fwop sound of their palms slapping to seal the fireflies inside the jars. They compared who would have the brightest firefly nightlight at their bedside.

I would wander much more slowly through the dew-slick grass, an ambler where my cousins were marching warriors. The fairy lights attracted me but once I captured a firefly, it looked puny in its glass prison, its magic diminished with captivity.

Eventually, I let the fireflies be.

As an adult and a writer, I found that the bright sparkle of creativity too would diminish the harder I tried to tame it. Grabbing onto a muse was like trying to pick up a raw egg yolk with your fingers – it slipped and slid just out of your grasp.

Creativity is supposed to be a spark, implying that you can just strike two blunt things together repeatedly until it happens.

It doesn’t work that way for me. I can’t force creativity directly. I can’t even sneak up on it. If I stare at it directly, it wisps away. I can only catch it out of the corner of my eye and let it sneak up on me.

Creativity sparks when I shamelessly eavesdrop on other people’s dramas, the tears of an overwrought stranger watering my creativity. It sparks when two disparate things suddenly seem related, like butterflies and physics. And it sparks when it is most inconvenient – nudging me awake at 3 am to get up and capture a scene or a dream.

But, the times I sit alone before dawn at my keyboard, hammering out the words that seem to come at the speed of light?

Creativity hovers like a bright cloud of fireflies.

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