I hate weddings.
Love marriage, at least the kind of marriage I have. But weddings?
Too much money, too much drama and for what? One day?
Still, one must follow traditions if one’s daughter asks.
A few weeks ago, my daughter had brought her bridesmaids to Charleston from Richmond, VA, for her bridesmaid trip. I thought the whole idea was ridiculous. Another wedding tradition that costs a lot of money and means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Side note – we never had bridesmaids’ trips. We had showers, thrown by a favorite aunt or the maid of honor. We may have had a gift registry, but we often got things that made no sense for the life we were living, and they made us worry – is this what married life will be? I’ll be using gravy boats every night? Will I ever be adult enough – or married enough – to USE a gravy boat every month?
But kids these days – and doesn’t THAT sound old?! – usually have a household full of stuff they’ve bought themselves, thank you very much. Stuff that suits their taste. And they’ve been living with their intended for months or years, so those coy shower games we used to play hinting at losing one’s virginity are just strange to them.
If they want anything, it’s cash and they ask for it on their own specially-designed wedding website.
So, they go on trips. Not like the old bachelor parties where the trip is the last gasp of freedom, so let’s go crazy. More like, “You’re getting married, what a great excuse to go crazy!”
I know about the crazy part, so I was pretty clear with my daughter: I love you, but you and your friends are NOT staying at my house. Find a hotel where you can loudly stumble in at 2 am and not wake me up.
I was honored that the girls asked me to come along for dinner on the first night of their long weekend.
I’d like to think they didn’t invite me just hoping to get a free meal. Of course, I paid for dinner – I AM the mom, after all.
But as I looked at these young women – some I’ve known since they were in high school, some college and some from my daughter’s adult ventures – I realized that I love them all. Because they all love my daughter.
I’m not saying they didn’t go a little crazy – my daughter still has a dildo on a wand in her car from the trip – but they were really here for love. This was my daughter’s tribe, her women, her ride-or-die group who, whether they were having trouble paying bills or not, paid to have a weekend away to tell my daughter how much they loved and supported her.
So, when my daughter does get married in October? The tears I shed won’t be because I hate weddings. They’re going to be because I don’t know what else to do with so much love.